Sound odd? I agree. But in the words of K$sha, We r who we r.
My head is banging, and i know that in little under an hour, i have a telephone interview, with a bank.
I regret the last 5 drinks i had last night, but with so little in the area of self control, there is no chance of me learning from my mistakes.
Robert buzzes the intercom and i buzz him in without answering.
As soon as he walks in the door, i bamboozle him with left over drunkenness.
"Even if your not the funny one, if its down to you that a funny conversation was had, you're still funny arent you, and can take some credit?"
He looks confused and as tired and hungover as i do.
"I may have eaten your garlic bread, you might want to check," i say sheepishly, changing the subject before he has time to ponder the first question.
I get up, wrapped in the duvet and go and plonk myself on the living room floor, he busies about, makes me a cup of much needed coffee and gets himself ready for work.
He doesnt want to go, i dont want him to go either.
Half an hour later he has gone.
The telephone interview goes quite well and she tells me i passed and would find out within the next 4-6 weeks when the face to face interview is. The bank in question is in Derby, a flutter in my stomach tells me, i am excited, but very nervous.
I get dressed, do my make-up, watch Skins, then its nearly time to go to my job centre appointment.
I need to pop in to see Robert at work, he works at the bank i used to work at, i need a bank statement to take in with me.
As i leave and walk up the street i realise, that mentally i'm not feeling good, i keep looking behind me, feeling as though someone is following, i'm jumpy, and feel like i could cry, the world feels different to me, i cant quite explain how, but more still, like there is something missing, and i cant figure out what.
I go into the bank, Robert is with a customer, i pop my head round his pod and he passes me my statement, as i pass the two receptionists that have started since i left, they smile, somewhat patronisingly, and it the pit of my stomach, its there. Regret, deep regret, i wish i hadnt left, i wish i wasnt crazy, i wish i had been strong enough to stay there when i was depressed and i wish i had realised that the dreams of going to college to become a make-up artist hasnt overridden the dreams i had of getting far within banking.
Its too late though, i walk to the job centre, avoiding eye contact with anyone in town, fighting back the tears i could feel welling up.
The Job centre, was the most humiliating and anxiety-provoking experience i have had in my life. I have never felt so dumb, so out of place and so looked down on before in my whole life.
I leave feeling, and i hate to be so crude, but feeling totally wank.
I walk back to the Bank, the new guy, tells me that Robert is on his lunch, so i walk out and ring Robert, who comes down 2 minutes later, he only had 25 minutes left, so we stand and have a cigarette and talk rubbish, then he buys me a Ribena and we have another cigarette.
I tell him that i would honestly go to work for him, he is hating it at the minute, but i tell him, "the only thing worse than working there, is not working there."
Back at Roberts i spend the day, getting ready for the night ahead, Kerri was coming over and me and her were going out. Robert was going to Adam's work meal, Jodie and Liam would also be there, as Liam worked with Adam.
Watch some random TV, have a shower, borrow a hairdryer from Robert's downstairs neighbour, oh the JOY of facebook. Talk to Jodie online, wait for Robert to finish work.
He gets in, but has to get ready pretty much straight away. Adam arrives at 18.45, and they leave together, i watch the soaps, then turn my GHD's on and begin to curl my hair, while have an extremely hilarious conversation with my aunty Andrea on Facebook.
Kerri and her friend Viki arrive at 21.30.
I quickly do Kerri's make-up, and we sit and have a drink or two.
Viki is quite socially awkward, she is a year younger than us, and you can tell, whereas, Jodie, 2 years younger than us, you cant really tell, but maybe that is just because we are used to her. Viki is a nice girl, but quite naive, her ex boyfriend will be at Heights (the nightclub we are going to) with another girl, Viki is still sleeping with him, me and Kerri cant seem to get it through to her that he isnt worth it. This sort of behaviour from women, annoys me, probably because i am scared that with my fear of being alone, if i was to get into a relationship, i would act in much the same way. I hope not though.
We leave Roberts, leaving the key under a stone for him, in case he wanted to change on the way from the restaurant to the pub.
We have a laugh on the way there, Kerri gets out enough money to pay for me and her and buy us some fags, she is amazing in that way is Kerri. There was a point in our lives where i paid for EVERYTHING for her, nights out, fags, she came to my house every weekend, and i would supply the alcohol, now when i need money she will ALWAYS lend it to me. Credit to me though, if i owe someone money, i will always pay up.
Heights is a drunken blur, we dance, we drink, we smoke, we go for wee and lipgloss touch up. Some of my other friends are there, Nadine and Lauren, we hang out with them a bit.
The only bad thing of the night is that, when on the dancefloor, Kerri hugs Viki and dances with her more than me, and something in me snapped, i hit Kerri, only on the arm, and not that hard, but she hugged me straight away and apologised. I feel awful about that now, how dare I? It is so immature, i am too possessive, its really not good.
Apart from that, the night goes OK. Me and Kerri run out of money, so Lauren buys us some chips to share and we go home.
We raid Roberts cupboard and Kerri has tinned new potatoes and vegetable soup, whereas i go for the new potatoes and mushy peas.
Crazy!
Me and Kerri.
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