My motivation and energy is low, my mood is decreasing steadily and I cant even lift my head for very long to write this. I don't want to sink into depression I want to push myself to avoid this. I've spent the last week up, even if it was just energy wise not genuine happiness.
I'm looking after my brothers while my mum is up the hospital again, I cant wait until bed time, I am being a rubbish sister.
I just want to curl up into my bed and stay there, for 3 or 4 weeks and then when I come out, I want to be well enough, to sort my life out and make myself feel happy and then try and live a normal life for ever.
I've realised I have an alcohol problem that I need to address, in the fact that I don't believe I have a personality worth knowing unless I have had a drink.
I'm not happy, I don't have much more to say, this blog may suffer while I am going through a bad patch. Either in the way that I wont write anything, or everything that I write will be depressing, jumbled nonsense. I apologise in advance if this is the case.
Me and my care worker began to address my INTENSE fear of being alone today, I cried, and become a little bit, gazey-out-of-the-windowey. Great! Stopping talking to the one person I feel comfortable talking to.
Robert is officially an adult now, he is going round Adams for tea. I'd laugh if the only thing I wanted to do wasn't to cry!
I'm not ready to be an adult.
I find it unfair that you get between 16 and 20 to be a proper teenager and then that is it.. Fun is over, grow up and make yourself enjoy the boring monotonous humdrum of adult life, there's nothing more to see here!!
I spent my whole life wanting to grow up, and now I wish I could live the last four years of my life, over and over again. I don't feel I can move forward, I don't have a path to go!
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