Hurt, angry and Just really down

2 weeks before Christmas was the last time me and Robert went out and he didn't end the night with Adam. 

So last Wednesday i asked him whether on Saturday night, me and him could have a night out, he said, no, he has plans with Adam. 

So i left it, he had already made plans, that was fine. 

He came back to me the next day and said actually his plans with Adam were in the day, so he could come out, i was happy, but still apprehensive, i kind of knew it wasnt going to go to plan. 

Saturday night comes and Kerri and James are coming too. We have a few drinks at Roberts and head to a bar, have a few more drinks then head to the nightclub. James doesnt have his ID and cant get in, so we walk round to the next night club and the queue is over an hour long. 

We go and book James a taxi to go home, get his ID and come back. 

Robert then announces, "Terry (adams friend) is at home on his own, he wants to go out but Adam and Tristan (Terry's boyfriend) are out, and the only place he will go is the Hob (the gay pub)."

"But Robert you are out with us!" i say, i'm angry, but try not to show it, but the fact i am upset is impossible to hide.

"Terry is on his own!" Robert says, as if that makes it ok, "he might not even want to go."

"So if he wants to go, you are going to go?" i ask. 

"Yes," Robert replies. 

I could have actually burst into tears, emotion was shooting through my body like fire, anger, hurt, pain, i felt betrayed. 

Robert rings Terry and Terry has changed his mind. 

But in the back of my mind, now, i know Robert doesnt actually want to be out with us. 

And there is another thing, Adam is out, but clearly didnt ask Robert to go, because like i have mentioned before, Adam often puts his friends in front of Robert, something Robert doesnt understand, so Adam is out somewhere in town, the only reason Robert is out with us, is because Adam hasnt asked him to be out, but if he 'accidentally,' ends up in the same place then he can still go home with Adam. Because lets face it, he wouldnt have come out with us in the first place had he been invited out with Adam and his friends. 

So anyway, me, Kerri and Robert go to heights, i figure this may be the last time we go out together for a long time, so try and forget my anger and have a good night, and it is a good night, until at 1am, Robert announces he is going to DT's (bar/club) to see Adam. Kerri and James then argue, i'm not sure why and James leaves, so me and Kerri leave, we cant get into DT's, i ring Robert and tell him Kerri and James are going home and can he come out. he hangs up on me. 

I text him asking if i should just go home then, he replies, yeah u may as well, i might be staying at adams. 

Yeah if Adam asks him. 

Kerri and James make up and James kindly says i can stay at his, so me, Kerri and James, get a kebab, go to Roberts get our stuff and get a taxi to James' house. 

I am still so angry with Robert, he used us, because his new friends werent available. 

My only consolation is that Adam clearly isnt as impressed by Robert as Robert is by him, nothing is on Roberts terms, Adam can pick him up and drop him as he likes, and Robert just has to take it. well good. 

Roberts meant to love me, he is my best friend and has been for years and i'm pissed off. 

I am so angry that i'd rather be on my own than be with him. 

He promised me when he first started seeing Adam that it was important that i liked Adam, and that he really liked him, but i would still be important to him. Well i'm not important to him, clearly.. 

He has new friends now.
I feel its the end of an era, and i'm not going to be a mug and try and change it back, i'll just have to move on, it will be hard in this world without my best friend, but i dont need to be treated like that! 

it hurts though, the one person in the world who loved me more than he loved anyone else, just has suddenly stopped giving a shit. 

Oh well, thats what happens when your best friend is the most fickle, gay, emotionally retarded person you have ever met.